AUTOBIOGRAPHY

 

 

Stripping For Chocolate Popsicles


    My first memories are of Oakville, Ontario, Canada. We had a collie dog that looked like Lassie, so we called her Lassie too. Just two older brothers my parents and me, and the dog. Sometimes, me and my Dad would go down to the lakeshore and pick plums which my Mum would make into jam. Often, there were tons of dead fish washed on the shore, there. I guess it was pollution, but I’m not sure.
   Apparently, when I was three I got up in the middle of the night and walked out the front door going for a walk. Luckily, some policemen found me and took me back to 222 Tweedsdale.


   I used to get up very early in the morning and watch our little black and white TV. The Hilarious House of Frightenstein was my favorite; with Vincent Price and Billy Van doing most of the other characters.


   We had carpeted stairs, and when I was 5 or so me and my Dad would play this game where I would come running at full speed and jump from the top of the stairs and he would shout “da na da na da na Batman!” or “Superman!” and he would catch me. It was like jumping and flying for a few seconds!


   My best friend was the pretty blonde girl, Lisa, who lived next door. She was also 5. We used to share suckers with each other. One funny game I remember playing with her was, “Stripping For Chocolate Popsicles”. Her mother used to buy her and her brother Pat chocolate popsicles and keep them in the freezer. I wanted one. Lisa didn’t like to part with them. So during the day when her mother was out, we struck a deal. I would put on a strip show for Lisa, and she would divulge one chocolate popsicle. Ooh the fun we had.

Averil Crescent 


   When I was about 5, my family moved to Toronto. I really liked it here. I made a lot of friends with the kids who lived in the neighbourhood. Louie and I used to play street hockey all the time with a tennis ball we would get from the garbagemen. In the summer we would play baseball in the crescent. The Toronto Blue Jays had just formed. I have great memories lying in bed listening to the radio. In the winter I would listen to the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey games. With Daryll Sittler, Borje Salming, Lanny McDonald, Ian Turnbull, and Mike Palmateer. Other times I would listen to the music. It was so good in the 70’s. Paul Simon’s 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, Captain & Tennille, KC & the Sunshine Band. My family was Scottish so I became a huge Bay City Rollers fan. Me, Louie and his sister Voula would jump around in my room with tennis rackets pretending to be them.


   I went to Silverview school there from kindergarden to grade 3. I remember walking into kindergarden once and not understanding that words were “bad”. Words like Fuck and Shit. After all, it seemed to me, that they were just sounds like any sounds. How could they be bad?


   I remember playing doctors and nurses with a couple of the neighbourhood kids. Although, we were more blunt. We just called it, “Pull Down Your Pants”. They should have had that in school. I thought.


   Once, I told Sheena Ublansky that I loved her, and thought that would be the end of it. But, apparently she kind of liked me back because the next day she asked me to marry her. I couldn’t believe my ears. I thought she must have said, “bury” her (in the autumn leaves). I was so stupid. I could have been happily married to this day!

To Download Full Auto Biography Click here